How Motherhood Made Me an Introvert by Ruchi Koval
Ruchi Koval is a JWRP City Leader with the Jewish Family Experience in Cleveland, Ohio.
"Please don't come in."
"I'd like to stay home."
"Think I'll make it an early night."
Could these words possibly be emerging from my mouth? Me, the uber-extrovert who could never bear FOMO?? I was the one who could never stand to miss a party, and more, couldn't stand the thought of others having fun without me. Yet, increasingly, I'm finding it delightful to be alone.
Has mothering a busy household maxed me out with talking and constant company? Whenever I move to another room, the entourage seems to follow me. While I like to believe this is a sign of doing something right as a mom, I do confess it wears me thin. The sound of silence has never been so lovely.
It could be it's my advancing middle age. In my younger years "me time" would have always included adults I love: husband, sibling, friend. Now it's total solitude I crave. Me and a book. Me and nature. Me and a pillow. Me and my tablet.
I had my handwriting analyzed in Israel this year. One thing the guy said was "you're not really an extrovert." I said, "I'm not??" He said, "No. You like people, you're very social, but your true energy comes from getting things done." BOOM! It totally clicked.
This is where my work is. When my people want me. And I want solitude. When my people want me, and I want to get things done. Boom. That's my life's mission. Understanding and stretching myself. No one said it'd be easy. It took four years for me to even be ready to have my handwriting done. I was afraid to have my flaws exposed. My weaknesses. But truly God gave me these traits and they are neutral. My drive to get things done is both my greatest weakness and greatest strength.
And that's why my newly discovered introversion is fascinating to me. Another puzzle piece. Another step in my journey.